Dear Writing Diary Entry #11

Taking a Detour: Moving From Traditional Publishing to Self-Publishing

In this entry, I tell you the real reason why I’m self-publishing.

June 19, 2024

Dear Writing Diary,

Over the last handful of weeks my entire writing life has changed, perhaps forever. As you might recall, over the last two years I’ve been working with my second literary agent to be traditionally published. My first agent wasn’t able to sell this same book a year before, which was written as a Young Adult novel at the time. However, when I pitched this book as an adult fantasy novel to my second agent, she as well as others at her agency strongly believed that with enough revisions, we might have at least one and possibly even more editors interested in acquiring it. Fast forward three revisions and 10 months later, and there we were, at last submitting this book to editors. The book sailed into dozens of editors’ inboxes with great reception. Multiple editors immediately responded to confirm receipt and voice their enthusiasm to read my book.

So I waited, brimming with excitement as I hoped for and dreamed of an email or call that would change my life. An email or call that would tell me an editor loved my book enough to acquire it for their publishing house and that they would love to talk with me about edits, next steps, etc. [insert as much confetti, flowers, and fireworks as you can imagine here, and I promise you that I imagined just as much].

My lifelong dream of being published was so close, I could feel it. Taste it. Never mind the tinges of doubt that began slowly scratching away at my optimism with every day that passed and I heard nothing. Seasons came and went. Summer turned to fall, the leaves changing from green to gold then withering away from the branches altogether. Even the crickets got tired of chirping and carried on with their lives along with everyone else. Still, I waited…until my agent at last scheduled a call and told me the news: the book clearly wasn’t going to sell, and so that was it. There was nothing more we could do except to shelve it.

I was shocked and devastated. Like any other writer, I wanted answers. Specifically, I wanted to know what the editors found wrong with my book, and so my agent compiled their rejection emails into one document and sent it to me for review. Perhaps the feedback from the editors could help me revise the book one last time, I thought. Perhaps if they all pinpointed the same issues, then I would know for certain what I could fix.                      

Except…the editors’ feedback didn’t all pinpoint the same issues. In fact, in various parts, one editor’s feedback directly conflicted with another’s. What one editor loved, another wasn’t a fan of and vice versa. What one editor found unconvincing, another editor found deeply compelling. After reviewing all of these editors’ rejections, I was even more confused. The only thing I was certain of was that I still believed in my book. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, but it was mine, and it was a story that I had honed and polished over multiple revisions. A story that ironically was about a young woman who struggles to not abandon her childhood dream.

I want to make it clearly that I’m not blaming either of my agents or the editors who sent those rejections. In fact, I learned a lot from each of my agents and my experiences within the traditional publishing world, and these experiences solidified my determination to never give up on my writing.

I do, however, intend to change my strategy. Which is why after fourteen years of trying and failing to get any of my books traditionally published, I truly believe that my best path forward for now is to share my own stories with the world myself rather than keeping them shelved and hidden away for some unknown future. I’m all too aware that the likelihood of “success” as a self-published author is low if “success” is defined as thousands of sales and making Amazon’s bestseller list. So instead, I will work on defining success as being the act of self-publishing itself: of writing my own books, designing my own covers, building my own website, and ultimately delivering a product that I can be proud of into reader’s hands—even if the number of readers is few. Whatever amount of readers I have, I want them to know that the book I deliver into their hands is one made from love and sacrifice and countless late nights I spent creating a story that I felt—and still feel—matters.

Here's to seeing what terrifying and exhilarating adventure tomorrow holds.
-K

P.S. Whoever’s reading this, if you’ve enjoyed these glimpses into my writing life, could you please hit the subscribe button? I would love to share more of my writing journey with you in the future. :)