Dear Writing Diary Entry #17

On the Reality of a Dream Fulfilled

September 18, 2024

In this entry, I write about how I felt holding the book I wrote in my hands for the first time, and how the reality of publishing my stories already feels different than what I imagined.

Dear Writing Diary,

This week after converting my manuscript into an eBook and paperback that people will be able to read next year, I realized with shock and delight that I just accomplished one of my lifelong dreams. For almost every birthday over the last 14 years, I’ve wished that whatever book I was writing at the time would be published—a wish that after 8 books and hundreds of rejections seemed like it would never come true. I can’t tell you how many times I imagined what it would feel like to hold a book I wrote in my hand and take a photo of it to celebrate—and today those imaginings became a reality when I was able to hold the eBook version for the first time.

Like most things in life though, this significant moment wasn’t exactly how I imagined. When I dreamed of this, I imagined I had signed with a big publisher and that the book I held in my hands would be in thousands of bookshelves in thousands of bookstores across the country and beyond. More importantly, when I dreamed of this moment, I dreamed of security—a sense of safety and ease in the knowledge that I had finally “made it”. But such is the fairy tale nature of so many dreams. In reality, when this moment finally arrived, the circumstances leading up to it were very different from what I had hoped. I don’t have a publisher publishing my book, and I feel anything but at ease or secure whenever I think about its upcoming release and how many people will actually resonate with the story in its pages.  

Still, just because this moment didn't occur how I imagined it didn't make my accomplishment any less significant. In fact, I would say the reality in many ways was more meaningful than I could have hoped for given the very real sacrifices I made and steps I took to make it possible. When I dreamed of becoming a published writer, I dreamed of the triumph and notoriety of releasing my book into the world, but not the late nights, self-doubt, or constant work it would take to do it on my own. Yet without those late nights and hard work, I would never have achieved what I have so far. More importantly, if I hadn’t decided to self-publish, I would never have learned the same business, marketing, and graphic design skills I’ve gained along the way in order to design the covers of my books and sell them to readers in different formats and marketplaces throughout the world.

Thus, the beauty of dreams, I've come to realize at least for me, lies in their simplicity—in their ability to be encompassed within a single sentence or an imagined moment full of emotion. The beauty of reality though lies in the nuanced and poignant details that fit together over time to create something as fully dimensional as our lives. The desire and sense of accomplishment I felt whenever I imagined holding a book I wrote that would be published motivated me into making this dream real—and even though the reality is not as glamorous or comfortable as I’d hoped for, the fact that it is tangible and no longer a figment of my imagination is a type of special magic in itself.

There’s still a long way to go and many more steps on my publishing journey, but I can’t wait to deliver THE FATED to you all in February of next year. I hope this will be among the first of many stories I get to share with you.

Here's to seeing what other fulfilled dreams tomorrow holds.
-K

P.S. Whoever’s reading this, if you’ve enjoyed these glimpses into my writing life, could you please hit the subscribe button? I would love to share more of my writing journey with you in the future. :)